The last week of Big/Little dates was almost as stressful as Finals Week last semester. I had an exam and a project that needed my undivided attention. But I also had to fit in last minute dates so I could meet as many lovely sisters as I could. I was essentially running on caffeine and stress for the whole week. I remember complaining endlessly to my boyfriend: if I didn’t love this sorority so much, I think I would have exploded from the stress.
I thought planning dates with them was stressful enough. (It’s hard explaining to people that I literally have no time in my schedule without sounding rude. #BusyGirlProbs)
I thought after that week, everything would just be smooth sailing from here on out. But I didn’t expect ranking them in order of preference to be as bad as it was. The sisters I met for the past few weeks were some of the loveliest girls in the world. It was almost to the point that I wish I would have had awful Big/Little dates. I couldn’t take falling in love with yet another person.
You only get one Big though. Even though I wanted nothing more than for all of them to become sister-wives and collectively adopt me, I had to choose.
I’ve heard a lot of stories of how a girl’s big is her person. How they just immediately clicked and understood each other. All across the board, people made it seem like your Big becomes your best friend, mentor, and confidante all rolled into one amazing person and you’re essentially bonded for life.
Needless to say, the whole thing was very romanticized. It’s very hard for me to instantly click with people. Even if I’ll get along with them really easily, how am I supposed to know if a girl is supposed to be the one. I’ve never even had a best friend. How was I supposed to know what to look for? People just kind of fell into my life and fit perfectly and stayed there. I’ve only met these girls for maybe an hour or two if I were lucky, and I was just supposed to know?
But I really wanted that connection with someone. I just wanted someone that wanted me just as much as I wanted them. I submitted my preference list with a shrug and just hoped that the Big/Little gods would find me the perfect Big.
Three days later, she got in touch with me in the middle of my biology study session. I remember dropping all my notes and immediately becoming obsessed. At that moment, everything I had worried about seemed so silly and stupid; whoever my big is going to be the loveliest person ever, purely because she’s my Big and I’m her Little.
Big/Little Week has been wild. I’ve been running to meet up with people in between classes and obsessively taking pictures of every perfect gift my Big got me. I was beside myself with excitement every morning—now I understand what all the sorority hype was about. I spent my classes waiting for the time I got to leave and see what my big had in store for me that day. Everything was so exciting and new.
The lack of clues and mystery hints were aggravating. I was mentally crossing off girls in my list that I thought it would have been. Soon, I realized that, when it comes to Big/Little secrecy, nothing is against the rules. The hints my Big left me led me down a wild goose chase. They were full of dead ends and, for all I know, lies and deceit.
The secrecy of it all was both amazing and frustrating all at the same time. I just wanted to meet her already.
My prison cell of a dorm room is now more colorful and lively with all the gifts she’s given me. I’ve also amassed a small collection of purple gift bags. (The hoarder inside of me doesn’t want to throw away. Whoops.) My walls are about to be a lot brighter once I put all the decorations she’s given me. And I’m pretty sure I’ve gained a pound or three from the entire batch of brownies I consumed. (But, you know, calories don’t count when it’s a gift from your big.)
It’s been a hectic and overwhelming week, but my Big has never failed to put a smile on my face. Through all the mystery texts and trickery (I think I’m on to you, Biggie), this sorority hasn’t failed to lift my spirits. I found my maybe twin(?) and my notes are now all covered in glitter. I’ve consumed way too much sugar than anyone should have. But it’s been worth it. I’ve even spent so much time stalking everyone’s Facebook and Instagram to get even the slightest clue of who she could be. At this point, I just want to tell her that my heart is already so full of love.
Biggie, whoever you are, I know this week’s been even more hectic for you as it has been for me. But thank you for all the love and presents. For already being the best person in the entire world. I don’t exactly know who you are, but you’re absolutely amazing. I wish you’re having as awesome a week as I’ve had.
I don’t think I can put into words how simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated I am. Especially with everything that’s been going on this semester. From research to orgo to this sorority, I’m constantly pulled in a hundred different directions. But all the little things you’ve done, like gotten me a cute new addition to my nighttime snuggle squad, makes it all so much more bearable.
I think I finally know who you are, Big, and I can’t wait to finally get to see you on Friday. I hope you’re as excited to hang out with me and all my crazy as I am with you.