You’ve come and gone so fast that I’m left reeling in your wake. I remember sitting around waiting for August to end like it was just a few days ago. The mediocrity of blandness of my summer left a bad taste in my mouth. I missed the rigidity and structure you brought, even if it is in the form of school.
Now I’m counting down the days until you end too. It’s a little bittersweet and thinking about it always makes my head spin. It feels like everything is going by too fast. I’m stuck in a constant rut; the same schedule every day.
I feel like I’ve wasted my time with the mundane. I’m sorry, September, for spending most of my time cooped up instead of trying to explore everything you have in store for me. I always tell myself that next month will be different because I’ll be a different person, but I always tend to fall back onto the same old routines all over again.
So I’ve been trying to push myself to actually be a little different this time. I joined a sorority. I started this blog. I’m trying to be proactive about everything that’s going in my life right now. I’m trying to get to my happy place. It hasn’t always been an easy ride, but I suppose that’s what life’s all about.
September, you’ve brought a lot of good into my life. But, as with all good things, you’ve also brought some bad.
You’ve brought new friends and new memories to make with them. You’ve brought good food and good company. But you also brought a significant decline to my free time and, ever worse, my bank account. You’ve given me a family that I never thought I wanted, but now could never see myself without. Best of all, I’ve discovered a passion I thought died away ages ago—I’m finally writing again.
With of this new experiences comes with added stress and obligations. My days have been a rush of missed deadlines and late nights spent studying and drinking copious amounts of caffeine. I am in a constant state of panic and anxiety, but I am also surprisingly thriving. It’s been a weird but exciting ride this month.
I have loved, but I also have lost. September, you’ve dealt me heartbreak and agony. But you’ve given me the opportunity for change and reflection. You’ve given me the chance to look deep into myself and for reevaluation. I have hope for the future.
I still haven’t mastered the art of acceptance. I still haven’t found my true place I the world. (It’s getting there though.) I’ve yet to come to terms with the overwhelming sense of mediocrity I constantly feel. But I am alive and well. And I’ll miss you, September, and all the things you’ve given to me.
October, I’m ready for you now.
I’m ready for something new and different. I’m ready for Halloween and new adventures. The thought of cooler weather and busting out my hot tea to sip in the cold fall months is exciting. (Though I might have to wait a while. Sometimes Florida doesn’t understand that seasons have to change.)
I’m ready for new chances. With the first exams of most of my classes out of the way, I know how to study for them. I’m ready to learn and grow and become a better student. I’m determined to do well on all my October exams. When I check my grades online, I’d hate to see anything less than a B.
October, I’m ready for reinvention. I’m ready for cozy fall sweaters and an updated outlook on the world. I want to push my summer wardrobe to the back of my closet along with all the past resentments and sadness that I’m carrying. I’m ready to become a new person. Maybe someone I’ll actually enjoy being.
I’m ready to try something new. Living a mundane life constantly takes a toll out of my happiness. I want to have new experiences and new memories with you, October. I want to go to a new restaurant or a new part of the town that I’ve yet to explore. I’m ready for an adventure.
And October, I can’t wait to discover you, one day at a time.